By The Obsession With Gaydar
Dear Straight People,
Have you ever wondered how gay men are able to recognise one another? Since you clicked on this article, I assume that you do. In fact, this is actually something that I get asked pretty often. For some weird reason, straight people seem pretty keen to find out how gay men seem to have the uncanny ability to suss one another out.
I mean, just look at how desperate this random netizen on Yahoo is at finding out the answer!
Most straight people depend solely on their gaydars to tell them if someone is gay or not. The problem with that is that the gaydars of straight people is largely dependent on gay stereotypes.
How Straight People Think Gaydar Works
Like for example:
If a man is too pretty, too well-groomed or too muscular, heterosexuals will suspect that he is gay
If he takes too many selfies or has too many Instagram followers, that’s another sign
If he worships divas the same way straight white women worship Ryan Gosling, then your gaydars are probably ringing off the hook!
While those are definitely signs that allude to the guy in question being gay, stereotypes unfortunately do not apply to everyone which means that your gaydar wouldn’t work a lot of the time.
How The Gaydar Actually Works
The answer to how gay men figure out if someone else is gay is that we stare. Yes, that is all there is to it. We just stare. Like not a playful or seductive kind of stare. More like a really intense stare, the kind of stare you would imagine a serial killer give to his or her potential victims before they slit their throats out and throw the corpse into the freezer (Sorry I’ve been watching a lot of Scream Queens).
But ok back to the topic. So yes, the secret to how gay guys are able to recognise one another is that we simply stare the hell out of each other. If this gif epitomises your current reaction right now, let me explain
The reason why we stare so intensely at other guys is that if the recipient of our creepy serial killer stare was straight, our strong eye game will make him feel really uncomfortable and so naturally, he will look elsewhere. If the guy in question is gay too, he will return our creepy intense stare with an equally creepy intense stare before one of us eventually breaks the tension by smiling and then we go on a date and live happily ever after.
Of course, the downside of this technique for recognising other gay guys is that if the recipient of our creepy stare is gay but not interested, he will look away as well. Which means we go back to depending on stereotypes and our gut feeling just like what straight people do in oder to determine the sexuality of other men. Except in our case, our gaydar will probably still be more accurate than yours because it’s easier for gay people to identify other gay people since we are gay ourselves.
Plus, as a lonely gay single man, my gaydar is switched on all the time so I don’t miss out on any potential prince charmings. Straight people on the other hand, only have their gaydars activated when the guy in question possesses a lot of typically gay attributes.
So there you have it straight people, the answer to your question is that gay guys are able to recognise one another by staring murderously into each other’s eyes. I hope that random netizen on Yahoo can finally chill now.
You might also like to read:
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or sometimes when they pass by and turn to look at you
I am so glad you didn’t tell them about the secret handshake. Lol
lol so gay people stare at gay people to see if they are gay lol what!!?? Don’t make any since. I’ve seen straight people have a homophobic stare thinking someone is gay or someone accused of being gay have a stare like why are they looking at me like that lol but never seen a “gay stare” that’s like we are gay and on the same team lol…. gays are just as surprised when someone that’s undercover comes out the closet as much as straight men are.
I never seen the homophobic stare in white communities, or Asian, or Arabian.. only in black lol
good way to get punched in the face, staring someone down
I am happy your community admits to doing this. There is much more to it then you have written here. Perhaps men who are dealing with same sex attraction who are not openly gay do this. And it is motherf____ annoying. You can’t just stare people down like this. Eye contact can be confrontational and a source of conflict. I have found ways to address this. Another little thing I have encountered I do not like: There are men who stare & then when u greet them they ignore you. In my experience women do that. I address that when it occurs. I will simply ask you: Is there a reason you are looking at me sir/ma’am. Also the whole ice grill/ stare down thing. Often times I do think it is gay. Why does a man wanna be all in another man’s grill unless he is gay. I was taught staring is rude back when I was a shorty. Perhaps people need to address this phenomenon. For the record I am straight male and when I notice attractive women I do not stare them down. I know they may find that uncomfortable. Also I have found ways to address. People have done this to me while they were out working. I have contacted their employers and told them I found such behavior menacing. Do men who make sexual advances on other men try to exploit a shame factor? Well it is nothing to be ashamed of and one can assert themselves and address the issue.
Lol, I just always figured when a guy does a double take and gives me a certain look( kind of like how I look at an attractive girl) that he is gay.
Interesting!
I may have been Bi longer than
I thought because I do that all the time
FML my gaydar fail sia
If another man stares at me (a straight black guy) i assume he is a racist, nazi, fascist and that is why I stare back (and wont look away until the apparent aggressor backs down or attacks because i don’t want to get blindsided by an attack), to me a white man staring me down is a threat, attempt at intimidation, a means to let me know my kind isn’t welcome here.
To me a black straight men a white man staring me down is psychological violence, provocation at conflict, and a way to try to put me in my place and threaten my life.
ONE ADVICE STOP THIS BULLSHIT.
the world is bigger than your community and to a lot of people being stared down is what precedes a racist attack (violence/physical attacks).
Please, listen and stop, this is really really bad!
The whole staring issue can be simplified. I was in a queue for the Post Office counter in my local town a month ago and noticed a young, slightly built chap, half my age staring at me.
Now he could not pose a threat to me – 6’, 46, lifts , good physique, no 1 crop, ex-biker still wearing the ancient and very well worn Brando. In a way, I found it complimentary.
I resisted the temptation to wait outside for him to invite him for coffee/beer/steak etc. I’ve got a partner. He’s enough with the Gucci loafers, Mulberry Anthony and Prada scarves. I suspect that the starer will pick his targets carefully. Btw, NOTBEMSED, did you see the picture that went viral of the big black guy carrying a white supremicist over his shoulder during some protests not long back. So much for white supremacy.
I’ve long thought, as a professional photographer, that the racists are intensely jealous of black people because black people look far better with their clothes off. White men, especially, look like skinned rabbits.
It’s more difficult after Covid-19, Ukraine-War and On-Life!
Robert
Germany