Dear Straight People,
Although I frequently have sex with other men, I would consider myself straight. Before the rainbow flag waving gay activists start denouncing me as a closeted gay man who is in denial, please hear me out first before you jump to that superficial conclusion.
First and foremost, I’m a 26-year old man who really likes women. I’ve had 3 ex-girlfriends before, all of whom I’ve been incredibly physically and emotionally attracted to. But as much as I enjoy the company of the opposite sex, I also don’t mind getting off with other men.
My First Gay Experience
The first time I ever had sex with another guy was when I was 15.
I went to an all-boys secondary school and as you can imagine, we were all perpetually horny. My clique and I used to watch porn together after school. We would head to *Alex’s house and 4 or 5 of us would crowd around the computer to watch porn together.
Looking back, it was pretty lame. We never jerked off or anything. We would just crowd around the computer and pass comments while the porn was playing. There was nothing homosexual about the experience. It was very much like a bunch of dudes watching soccer together.
But one time after school, it was just Alex and me chilling at his place. We got bored with doing homework and I suggested we watch some porn instead as a break. While the porn was playing, Alex started rubbing his erection through his pants which was something none of us ever did before. I was slightly surprised but I didn’t make much of a fuss and I too started rubbing my hard-on.
I got so horny I decided to just take out my erection from my pants and I started masturbating in the open. That definitely caught Alex’s attention and while he had this incredibly shocked expression on his face at first, he didn’t say anything and after a while, he too started wanking in the open. I’m not sure what made me do it but I was the one who suggested we jerk each other off. One thing led to another and soon, we were 69-ing each other.
It was an incredibly surreal experience but neither of us talked about it or did anything remotely sexual with one another after that. It was a one-time experience and that was that.
Having Sex With Other Men
It wasn’t until 7 years later that I had my next homosexual experience.
I had just gotten out of a relationship with my second ex-girlfriend. We were together for almost a year and during that period, we had loads of sex. At least once a week. When the relationship ended, I suddenly had no one to relieve me of my sexual desires anymore.
I was going through a 4-month long dry spell when it just randomly hit me to get off with another man to cure my blue balls. I downloaded Grindr and before I knew it, this random gay stranger was blowing me at his house.
I was amazed at how easy it was for gay men to get laid so every time I got horny, I would hook up with someone on Grindr. Over time, I started experimenting with anal sex as well (I always topped) but most of the time, I mostly preferred to be at the receiving end of a blowjob.
Having Gay Sex Doesn’t Define Me
I would be lying if I said I’ve never questioned my sexuality before. But after a lot of self-reflection, I identify myself as a heterosexual man.
The main reason why I don’t consider myself gay or bi is because I have zero emotional attraction to other men. I’ve never had a crush on another dude before. Nor have I ever even developed the slightest bit of romantic feelings for another guy.
In terms of physical attraction to other men, I’m pretty limited in that area too. I don’t check out other guys. And even if I find a dude really good-looking, I don’t start drooling over him. I will just think to myself ‘This guy is handsome‘ and that’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
As to why I have sex with other men, the reason is simple. It’s a lot easier to get laid with men than it is to score with women. With women, you have to wine and dine them. With men, it’s a lot more convenient. And that’s all there is to it. Convenience.
I Am Not A Closet Homophobe
The reason why I decided to pen down this confession is because I recently read the enlightening views of Indulekshmi Rajeswari. In her coming out story, she writes:
The modern understanding is actually that sexuality falls on to more of a three-dimensional graph, with axes of physical attraction, emotional attraction and gender.
It is possible to have a complicated sexuality in which you may be attracted physically to one gender but not emotionally, or vice versa.
I could never really articulate my reasoning into words. But Indu’s views completely captures how I feel about sexuality. Having gay sex doesn’t make one gay. Just like how cooking doesn’t make one a chef.
For a community who often demands that other people respect their sexuality, it’s very ironic that they are unable to do the same. Whenever I tell my gay sex buddies I am straight, they always smirk and talk as if they know me better than I know myself.
I am in no way a homophobe nor do I have any issues with my sexuality. Yes, there are some men who are so closeted they are unable to acknowledge their homosexuality. But I’m not one of them. I’m not in any way religious and I would totally be fine with myself if I was indeed gay or bi.
But the thing is that I am straight and gay people need to start respecting that. I’m pretty sick of gay men assuming that having sex with other men automatically makes them gay or bi.
Having gay sex doesn’t define my sexuality.
*Names have been changed.
Edits to parts of the submission not affecting the story have been made.
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