Dear Gay People,
The day that I hit rock bottom was the day that I actually contemplated leaking my own nudes on Tumblr.
I wanted to feel ‘famous’ again. I wanted people to know who I was, to have thousands of followers on Instagram, to be the subject of gossip again. I wanted to feel like I was a ‘somebody’ again.
Basically, I wanted to be young again.
Once upon a time, I was a prolific figure in the gay scene. Being handsome and muscular, I naturally attracted a lot of attention during my younger years.
The ‘game’ worked a bit differently back then. Social media wasn’t a thing yet. But I didn’t need social media to tell me I was popular. People KNEW who I was. My social circle was primarily made up of other popular jocks. And every time we walked into a gay party together, we turned heads.
Gay men, particularly those from the lower echelons of the social ladder, would often throw themselves at me. I never treated them well. Often using them as nothing more than cum dumps. But it didn’t matter to them. For most of them, seeing me naked alone was a privilege in itself.
Suffice to say, I had quite the ego back then.
I remembered complaining about all the drama back in the day. I remembered being annoyed by the gossip that regularly dragged my name through the dirt.
But as time went by, people started to pay less attention to me. One reason was because I started to go out less, having found a long-term stable partner who wasn’t really the partying sort. Another reason was simply because age had replaced my rock-hard abs with a soft belly.
Before I knew it, I was no longer a high-profile figure in the community. The gossip mongers had stopped paying attention to me altogether.
Instead, the gay scene had shifted the spotlight to the new generation of Insta-famous gay boys.
As this new crop of popular gay boys took over the spots that my friends and me once held, I found myself on the other side of the fence. Suddenly, I was no longer the one being gossiped about by nameless nobodies. I had become the nameless nobody doing all the gossiping.
It is a hard reality to accept. The only people who know me now are my peers, many of whom are also struggling to escape the realities of time. Seeing some of them resort to sexually suggestive snaps on Instagram without eliciting much of a reaction made me snigger a bit.
But in all honesty, I too have been doing the same. It didn’t matter how many hashtags I used. I was never able to garner the insane amount of ‘likes’ that have become the norm for the Insta-famous crowd. Not everyone is as lucky as Chuando.
In all honesty, I have been quite fortunate in the way my life has panned out.
I may be a ‘lao gay‘ now. But I’m doing well in every aspect of life – career, love and wealth. Despite getting involved in all kinds of drama during my younger years, I still managed to find myself a good stable man to spend the rest of my life with. So really, I don’t have much cause to complain.
But I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss my glory days. I’m not sure if I will ever come to terms with the realities of ageing. But I’m glad to report that I didn’t leak my own nudes on Tumblr. My partner managed to talk me out of it.
As I look at the new crop of popular gay jocks, I wonder just how long more before their time in the sun fades out…
I just hope that they don’t resort to leaking their own nudes when time finally catches up with them.
Contributed by Andy
Note: Edits to parts of the submission not affecting the primary message have been made.
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