Confessions Of An Ageing Formerly ‘Popular’ Gay Guy

Confessions Old Gay

Dear Gay People,

The day that I hit rock bottom was the day that I actually contemplated leaking my own nudes on Tumblr.

I wanted to feel ‘famous’ again. I wanted people to know who I was, to have thousands of followers on Instagram, to be the subject of gossip again. I wanted to feel like I was a ‘somebody’ again.

Basically, I wanted to be young again.

watching-dodgy-videos

Once upon a time, I was a prolific figure in the gay scene. Being handsome and muscular, I naturally attracted a lot of attention during my younger years.

The ‘game’ worked a bit differently back then. Social media wasn’t a thing yet. But I didn’t need social media to tell me I was popular. People KNEW who I was. My social circle was primarily made up of other popular jocks. And every time we walked into a gay party together, we turned heads.

Gay men, particularly those from the lower echelons of the social ladder, would often throw themselves at me. I never treated them well. Often using them as nothing more than cum dumps. But it didn’t matter to them. For most of them, seeing me naked alone was a privilege in itself.

Suffice to say, I had quite the ego back then.

Asian gay circuit party
Random group of party goers not related to the author

I remembered complaining about all the drama back in the day. I remembered being annoyed by the gossip that regularly dragged my name through the dirt.

But as time went by, people started to pay less attention to me. One reason was because I started to go out less, having found a long-term stable partner who wasn’t really the partying sort. Another reason was simply because age had replaced my rock-hard abs with a soft belly.

Before I knew it, I was no longer a high-profile figure in the community. The gossip mongers had stopped paying attention to me altogether.

Eric East Selfie

Instead, the gay scene had shifted the spotlight to the new generation of Insta-famous gay boys.

As this new crop of popular gay boys took over the spots that my friends and me once held, I found myself on the other side of the fence. Suddenly, I was no longer the one being gossiped about by nameless nobodies. I had become the nameless nobody doing all the gossiping.

It is a hard reality to accept. The only people who know me now are my peers, many of whom are also struggling to escape the realities of time. Seeing some of them resort to sexually suggestive snaps on Instagram without eliciting much of a reaction made me snigger a bit.

But in all honesty, I too have been doing the same. It didn’t matter how many hashtags I used. I was never able to garner the insane amount of ‘likes’ that have become the norm for the Insta-famous crowd. Not everyone is as lucky as Chuando.

hiv-aids-ending

In all honesty, I have been quite fortunate in the way my life has panned out.

I may be a ‘lao gay‘ now. But I’m doing well in every aspect of life – career, love and wealth. Despite getting involved in all kinds of drama during my younger years, I still managed to find myself a good stable man to spend the rest of my life with. So really, I don’t have much cause to complain.

But I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss my glory days. I’m not sure if I will ever come to terms with the realities of ageing. But I’m glad to report that I didn’t leak my own nudes on Tumblr. My partner managed to talk me out of it.

As I look at the new crop of popular gay jocks, I wonder just how long more before their time in the sun fades out…

I just hope that they don’t resort to leaking their own nudes when time finally catches up with them.

Contributed by Andy

Note: Edits to parts of the submission not affecting the primary message have been made.

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man-staring-into-sunset

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3 comments

  1. So this #basicbitch learned nothing from aging and is still just as insecure as they were 15 years ago! The only way they feel any ounce of gratification is via seeking validation from others regarding their physical appearance! Furthermore #basicbitch now wishes this kind of feeling of unworthiness on younger, better looking people.

    What a sad tiny existence in the beautiful world we live in.

    Not all gays base our sense of self worth on how large our muscles look when we take a selfie, or how many likes we get on social media, or how many members from the “higher echelons of the social ladder” we can accessorize as our “friends”.

    Happiness comes from within honey, you’re not going to find it in the places you’re looking at.

    Like

  2. So what happens to all the “cum dumps” then? Scarred for life while a formerly popular gay jock feels insecure about wanting to get back into the limelight that he has to resort to “leaking” his nudes online?

    Cmon… while I don’t think this is a platform for gay activism, it was nevertheless nice to see coming-out stories from other fellow gay people. This is basically a self-gratuitous essay about not being in the limelight anymore but still “doing well in every aspect of life”.

    Woe be to the cum dumps in every generation cos the jocks will never learn.

    Like

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