Dear Straight People,
For years and years, you lot have been preaching that homosexuality is a choice and for years and years, the gay community has vehemently denied it. Since this debate isn’t reaching a consensus anytime soon, I’m going to throw in the towel because I’m tired of arguing with you. Fine I admit it, homosexuality is totally a choice!
Since homosexuality isn’t natural, this implies that all those claims made by the gay community that it is something that they are born with are obviously just blatant lies. All those evil gay people are such good liars they probably managed to convince themselves that they are right!
But wait a second, isn’t homosexuality observed in almost every animal species on Earth?
Yes, you read that correctly. Animals love to get it on with members of the same sex too! In fact, it has been claimed by some zoologists that same-sex activities accounts for 94% of all observed sexual activities in giraffes!
But no, no, no that can’t be right! How can such absurd facts be true! Those zoologists were probably sleeping on the job and got the genders of the animals they were studying all mixed up. So yes straight people, your argument is totally still valid. Since homosexuality is completely unnatural, it is a choice because gay people are just really good liars and zoologists don’t know what they are talking about.
I mean, when you think about it, it is pretty obvious why gay people would choose to be gay right?
Firstly, because gay people can’t really flirt in public due to all that homophobia floating around, they are all forced to use online dating services. And we all know just how fun online dating is. I mean, wouldn’t we all love to have online conversations with creepy netizens like the one shown below?
I mean, how hilarious is that?! No wonder Grindr is so popular! This totally explains why people would choose to be gay now.
But that’s not all folks.
Another reason someone might choose to be gay is because they just want the attention! You see, if you’re gay, you automatically get flooded with attention. Your parents are going to be hounding you everyday to turn straight. Your friends are always going to be making jokes about your sexuality. If you’re lucky, you might even get disowned by your parents and ostracised by your friends so you get to have a really cool sob story to tell strangers who will all shower you with heaps of pity and attention!
If you’re really lucky, you might even get on the cover of Vanity Fair like Caitlyn Jenner did!
So yes straight people, you’re totally right. Homosexuality is totally a choice because gay people are just attention-seeking liars. I mean I’m pretty amazed at how long it took for me to finally realise this. Of course straight people would know the sexualities of gay people better than they do themselves. All those poor gay people are just so confused but thankfully, we have you straight people and your impeccable logic to save us from ourselves.
So yes, straight people were right all along, homosexuality is totally a choice! If any of you straight people reading this are interested in becoming gay too, please dial 1800-6-9-6-9
You might also like to read:
Move Over Homophobia, It’s Time To Talk About Biphobia Instead!
I Hate Straight People And This Is Why
5 Of The Most Horrifying Cures For Homosexuality Ever Used
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5 comments on “Ok Fine, Homosexuality Is Totally A Choice!”
Totally agree with you. I chose to be gay because of the good fashion sense gay men have. I also was bad at dancing and everyone knows gay men are fantastic dancers 😉
And what the hell is that Grindr message all about.
I feel it’s absolutely necessary to first point out that I’m not straight white male, before you delude yourself again with nonsense.
Please don’t make yourself or the LGBTQ+ community look bad on your childish ranting spree. For me, it was a choice. Having seen someone close to me sexually assaulted, I chose not to remain hetrosexual anymore due to that certain incident and stress with PTSD. I also understand that for other people that it is not a choice. Similar to what LGBTQ+ stands for, we all have different preferances, and so on there are people who choose to and do not choose to be “gay”.
Suck up your pride and get out of the ring, you simple minded fool.
I don’t believe gay people are born with homosexual feelings. Babies aren’t born knowing what sex, attraction, and perception is. Children are wired to mimic, so if they’re acting out sexually, they’ve been exposed to it. And let’s face it, we live in a society that exposes children and adolescents to sex, violence, drugs, and crime earlier than ever; girls are going through puberty earlier; and, as always, many teenagers are having sex. So you see, homosexuality is a social condition that develops overtime. But children are not born with a predetermined sexual orientation. Babies are born psychosexually neutral; a blank slate. Like I said, children are wired to mimic, so if they see something sexual happening on television, porn, or they themselves have been sexually molested, they go on to mimic the behavior on to other children, and those children pass it down to other children. Because they’ve been exposed to it by that child who taught them. But once they get the feeling of it — a sexual orientation is born. But don’t take my word for it, take clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Miller, word.
From the moment they’re born, nearly all children see nothing but straight relationships everywhere in their media, surroundings and culture. If anything, children are groomed into being heterosexual. Also, if the “blank slate” argument held, everyone would be right-handed.