Dear Straight People,
Last month, I penned an open letter detailing the struggles of being a closeted Chindian (Chinese mixed Indian) lesbian engaged to another Chindian lesbian. Being engaged to the most amazing woman is priceless, but I was afraid to tell my family that I am getting married.
But it was something I knew I had to eventually do. I shouldn’t have to hide the fact that I am getting married. And my wife deserves to be recognised as my wife, not just as my ‘best friend’.
So I decided to tell my family that I am getting married. My Godmothers (aunts), and my dad.
Coming Out To My Family
It was a Thursday afternoon – 2.30pm to be exact.
I was sitting in my office, trying to take a break from work. My “break” turned into a heart racing decision. I drafted out a message to send to my dad and godmothers. This was initially planned in my head to be announced on Saturday but I have my ovaries to blame for this. Every woman would probably know how big our balls grow when our ovaries are reacting. We get a little crazy, but we get away with it. (the only advantage to our monthly cycle)
The first person I came out to was my dad. Of course I needed to tell him before the rest of them.So here are some screenshots of what went down.
So yes, I guess I did not get disowned, neither did I get the “get out of my life” response. Thankfully.
Here what my other 3 Aunts/ Godmothers responded with.
3:37pm – was when all the heart racing emotions ended. It pretty much ended with tears that spoke more than words can
All I could remember myself saying was “WHAT THE ACTUAL F***”. I was mouthing it over and over and over again.
This is the best that I got, I couldn’t have wanted it to be any better than this. I couldn’t ask for more. This was enough. This was enough for me to finally be, me. For Sher and myself to be Us.
I don’t have any expectations for them to be fully involved in my wedding but this was enough.
How much is enough? I don’t know. Maybe because I did not expect anything back in return, not even a reply and that’s why it was enough. Maybe telling them was enough. Maybe Sher was enough. Maybe the courage I gathered was enough.
Maybe, just maybe, being true to myself was enough.
I don’t quite know the answer to why was it enough, but it is. Maybe this has taught me to learn that, maybe I am enough. Therefore, no expectations.
My Advice To Others Wanting To Come Out To Their Families
1. Decisions. When you decide to come out, it must be your own decision. Not because your friends or partner did it. You need to know that coming out rides along side with sacrifices and rejections. You need to find your own definition of “I’m ready”.
2. Acceptance. Accept yourself before you expect others to accept you. If you don’t show and tell them who you really are, they won’t have the chance to see who you really are, to accept you.
3. Rejections. Rejections will linger around for awhile, and it will suck. But it will get better, you will feel better with each passing day. Being yourself will give yourself a new beginning, a brand new adventure, but most of all, self acceptance.
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