Dear Closeted Self,
I don’t think there’s anything I can say to provide that big technicolour rainbow moment in a movie where the camera starts spinning, the music gets louder, the smiles get bigger, and everything seems to work out. You’re still going to have to go through it, kid, I’m sorry about that. There are going to be days when you don’t know how to survive near other people. When you interpret someone’s violence as love. When you only paint in black and white because you’re terrified to reveal your true colours.
Some of your relationships are going to be weird. You’ll find it difficult to relate and grow close to family members and heterosexual friends. You won’t be sure exactly where you fit in. You’ll have to be a different person depending on who you are with, which roof you are sleeping under. At points, you’ll have so many masks, you’ll forget which one is actually you.
But, there is one great privilege that you are going to get as a queer individual. If you find it sooner, maybe it’ll help your journey be a little smoother on the way. Queer, Chosen Families are real. Suddenly, when people ask you where home is, you’ll have several places to answer with.
There are going to be so many people who love you, and support you, and care about you. Whether it is in Pokfulam, KC, NK and SA (if you ever read this, ily, stay safe). In university, MU, HL, MTG. Down south, AM, DTF (sorry, imy). My bagel buddy, JS. Some of them, you’ll be a twat to, and will lose, but you still care about. Some of them will make you so happy you forget your scars and your fears. Some of them will hold your hand whilst you cry staring at the ceiling. Some of them will laugh at all your crap jokes. Some of them will stay up all night talking to you because you feel slightly down, giving you all the advice you could ask for and then some more on top. More importantly, they’ll share in all your successes, and the moments you smile with your eyes not just your mouth.
They are out there waiting for you. You just have to get that far to meet them and trust me, they will make everything so much better than you could possibly have imagined. So every time you fall in the shit, just remember, you’ve got a beautiful, powerful, supportive queer family waiting to pick you back up again.”
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