I Hate Straight People And This Is Why!


Dear Straight People,

I’ve had enough! For far too long, I’ve had to put up with your heterosexual nonsense but honestly, I don’t think I can deal with you lot anymore. That’s right! If you haven’t guessed it by now, I’m going to spell it out for you; I am heterophobic! And I have very good reason to be heterophobic.

You see, on one hand, you straight people don’t allow us gay people to marry, claiming that we are ruining the sanctity of marriage.

And yet on the other hand, straight people do ridiculous things like this…

Source: apcoregalore.tumblr.com
Source: apcoregalore.tumblr.com

I mean seriously straight people? McDonalds??! That’s where broke people bring their first dates to! It is certainly not appropriate for a ceremony as sacred as marriage!

But wait, that’s not the worst of it. In fact, that is merely the beginning of my very long heterophobic rant.

You see, homophobic straight people are always telling me that my homosexual displays of affection are making them uncomfortable. Well, as a heterophobic gay person, I’m sick of being bombarded by your public displays of affection as well.

I mean, I’m sure you can understand why sights like this make me cringe

Source: @bmxerbarak via Instagram
Source: @bmxerbarak via Instagram

Surely, they make you cringe too?

Source: fuckyeahfullofail.tumblr.com
Source: fuckyeahfullofail.tumblr.com via Lamebook.com

I mean, they aren’t just ruining my eyes

Source: awkwardfamilyphotos.com
Source: awkwardfamilyphotos.com

They actually make me feel kind of sick too…

Source: awkwardfamilyphotos.com
Source: awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Ok I’m going to stop posting pictures of heterosexual displays of affection because if I post anymore, I’m pretty sure we will both puke.

But ok, back to the topic.

Apart from ruining the sanctity of marriage and making me nauseous with your public displays of affection, straight people are the reason why the Earth is so damn overpopulated! I mean, everywhere I go, there is a crowd! And it is your fault since you are the ones producing them!

Just look at all these poor people packed into this train in Singapore!

Source: yahoosg.tumblr.com
Source: yahoosg.tumblr.com

The overcrowding issue is so bad some girl even had to invent a device to keep people away!

And you know what, your inability to use a condom properly is the reason why the Earth is dying. As a very noble gay person, I am going to put a stop to your destructive heterosexual lifestyle.

Not only am I going to scold straight people like this awesome dude!

Source: idiotsonfb.tumblr.com
Source: idiotsonfb.tumblr.com

I propose that we ban straight people from marrying each other so that you lot can stop ruining the sanctity of marriage! I also propose to criminalise any sexual activities between straight people to solve the overcrowding issue.

Because honestly, I just can’t handle straight people anymore.

Source: fashionuniproblems.tumblr.com
Source: fashionuniproblems.tumblr.com

And frankly, it is time gay people treated straight people the same way they treat us!

Source: YouTube
Source: YouTube
Sean Foo Author Title
Written by Sean Foo: @mrseanfoo

P.S : I do not actually hate straight people. This article was meant to be a satirical piece to illustrate just how unreasonable the homophobic claims made against gay people are.

P.P.S: Obviously not everyone understands what satire means 🤣

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139 comments on “I Hate Straight People And This Is Why!”

  1. Wow a bunch of heteraphobic bigots here, sad how easy it was for so many of you to turn into the same sort of bigots you all claim to hate.
    If hearing “get a room” offends you so badly then you’re already a lost cause, happens to straight people allllllllllll the time in case you were living under a rock….
    And you think insulting innocent straight people is exactly how you get people to agree with you and side with you?

    Here’s a piece of advice, STOP looking for acceptance from bigots/jackasses, if you base your lives on weather ignorant ass clowns accept you or not, you’re living your life wrong.
    Why would you want a jackass to accept you? You think I give a damn about some troll’s opinion about my lifestyle? I’d even bet the vast majority of you have an overwhelming amount of supportive friends in your lives compared to the spiteful idiots you’ve encountered/endured.

    So why ruin your lives with hate and spite? The more we all get together and get along and stop hating everyone we don’t know, the more easily we as a world wide populace can band together against these groups of intolerant backwater mentality.

    If you want to understand more about hate and divide, watch The Social Dilemma, pretty big eye opener into why the world is so tribal these days.

    1. Wow I love it when hets love to pretend they’re oppressed.

      Some angry gay being tired of your nonsense does not affect your life and you’re still free to have hetero sex in public without anyone saying anything, while gay people can get screamed at just for holding hands.

      Also, this post was satire. Heteros sure get triggered easily.

      1. excuse me dumbass but no we can’t. Having sex in public is a 1 way ticket to both participants to going to jail for at least a year. Never in my life have I see a gay person yell at for holding hands the most I’ve seen is they are walked around so get real.

    1. oh wow homophobes always wanna make fun of us? huhh? ho do they not know aboyt trans straight people though? You guys love tellin me ima go to hell for being gay then get mad when i actually do want to go there how stupid of you!!! OHH CALL 911 UR BRAIN IS ROTTING!!!!!

  2. Bruh u gotta hate ur mom and dad too then; sry the world ha no place fr a degenerate like u(we hv enough already).

  3. Why are straight people acting like they are opressed when gays are actually the ones that are opressed? strakghts are stupid anyway i mean look at this quote from a gay rapper lil nas x exposing straight people ( Yall straight peoole love tellin us gays we goin to hell then get mad when i decide to go? ) yep thats what straight people are like! go die in a fire straight people!

  4. Why the fuck are you guys making fun of gaysss? sgay people are losing their rights because of you bitches!!! heres a quote from the famous rapper lil nas x ( Yall love telling gays we goin to hell then get mad when i decide to go ) thats right thats what straight people are like go die in a fire straight people 🙂

  5. Do i have to say the quote again how mnany times??? ALL YOU GUYS ARE IS STUPID STRSIGHT PEOPLE YOU GUYS HATE LGBTQ+ WAIT THOUGH WHAT ABOUT THE STRAIGHT TRANS PEOPLE? And you got Sodom And Gomorrah wrong the sin was raping people of the opposite gender not homosexuality

  6. That’s why LGBT community are full of clowns. Ruined rainbows, trying to be special because of their sexuality, hating on straights because they’re normal, not tolerated, can’t take jokes and hate on people’s opinion. I hope this all will just end, this is annoying.

    1. Maybe if we were given the exact same treatment as straight people and not the way we have been. Radical thought, I know. Also, lol tell me some of these “jokes”. I’m guessing it’s the ones where the punchline can be boiled down to “haha homosexuality LOL”?

  7. I realize this is a satire but not all of us suck. Sure many straight people are absolute dipshits, but a blanket statement against us all hurts. I do my best as a human being, and while my kind has done some awful things, i did not do them and shouldn’t reasonably be hated for them. I live in an extremely white homophobic town, but through my father i have been brought up to be open minded. I treat all people equally with respect until they have proven unworthy by their own actions. In fact, most of my friends are gay, including my two best friends, who are lesbians. While i understand that i have certain privileges and advantages due to my race and gender and straightness, this shouldn’t mean i should burn in hell. I never asked to be straight but yet i am. I hope one day that all will be treated on basis of merit and character rather than race gender and sexuality, and that minorities and majorities will become obsolete.

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