I Hate Straight People And This Is Why!

128 comments

Dear Straight People,

I’ve had enough! For far too long, I’ve had to put up with your heterosexual nonsense but honestly, I don’t think I can deal with you lot anymore. That’s right! If you haven’t guessed it by now, I’m going to spell it out for you; I am heterophobic! And I have very good reason to be heterophobic.

You see, on one hand, you straight people don’t allow us gay people to marry, claiming that we are ruining the sanctity of marriage.

And yet on the other hand, straight people do ridiculous things like this…

Source: apcoregalore.tumblr.com
Source: apcoregalore.tumblr.com

I mean seriously straight people? McDonalds??! That’s where broke people bring their first dates to! It is certainly not appropriate for a ceremony as sacred as marriage!

But wait, that’s not the worst of it. In fact, that is merely the beginning of my very long heterophobic rant.

You see, homophobic straight people are always telling me that my homosexual displays of affection are making them uncomfortable. Well, as a heterophobic gay person, I’m sick of being bombarded by your public displays of affection as well.

I mean, I’m sure you can understand why sights like this make me cringe

Source: @bmxerbarak via Instagram
Source: @bmxerbarak via Instagram

Surely, they make you cringe too?

Source: fuckyeahfullofail.tumblr.com
Source: fuckyeahfullofail.tumblr.com via Lamebook.com

I mean, they aren’t just ruining my eyes

Source: awkwardfamilyphotos.com
Source: awkwardfamilyphotos.com

They actually make me feel kind of sick too…

Source: awkwardfamilyphotos.com
Source: awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Ok I’m going to stop posting pictures of heterosexual displays of affection because if I post anymore, I’m pretty sure we will both puke.

But ok, back to the topic.

Apart from ruining the sanctity of marriage and making me nauseous with your public displays of affection, straight people are the reason why the Earth is so damn overpopulated! I mean, everywhere I go, there is a crowd! And it is your fault since you are the ones producing them!

Just look at all these poor people packed into this train in Singapore!

Source: yahoosg.tumblr.com
Source: yahoosg.tumblr.com

The overcrowding issue is so bad some girl even had to invent a device to keep people away!

And you know what, your inability to use a condom properly is the reason why the Earth is dying. As a very noble gay person, I am going to put a stop to your destructive heterosexual lifestyle.

Not only am I going to scold straight people like this awesome dude!

Source: idiotsonfb.tumblr.com
Source: idiotsonfb.tumblr.com

I propose that we ban straight people from marrying each other so that you lot can stop ruining the sanctity of marriage! I also propose to criminalise any sexual activities between straight people to solve the overcrowding issue.

Because honestly, I just can’t handle straight people anymore.

Source: fashionuniproblems.tumblr.com
Source: fashionuniproblems.tumblr.com

And frankly, it is time gay people treated straight people the same way they treat us!

Source: YouTube
Source: YouTube
Sean Foo Author Title
Written by Sean Foo: @mrseanfoo

P.S : I do not actually hate straight people. This article was meant to be a satirical piece to illustrate just how unreasonable the homophobic claims made against gay people are.

P.P.S: Obviously not everyone understands what satire means 🤣

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128 comments on “I Hate Straight People And This Is Why!”

  1. Wow a bunch of heteraphobic bigots here, sad how easy it was for so many of you to turn into the same sort of bigots you all claim to hate.
    If hearing “get a room” offends you so badly then you’re already a lost cause, happens to straight people allllllllllll the time in case you were living under a rock….
    And you think insulting innocent straight people is exactly how you get people to agree with you and side with you?

    Here’s a piece of advice, STOP looking for acceptance from bigots/jackasses, if you base your lives on weather ignorant ass clowns accept you or not, you’re living your life wrong.
    Why would you want a jackass to accept you? You think I give a damn about some troll’s opinion about my lifestyle? I’d even bet the vast majority of you have an overwhelming amount of supportive friends in your lives compared to the spiteful idiots you’ve encountered/endured.

    So why ruin your lives with hate and spite? The more we all get together and get along and stop hating everyone we don’t know, the more easily we as a world wide populace can band together against these groups of intolerant backwater mentality.

    If you want to understand more about hate and divide, watch The Social Dilemma, pretty big eye opener into why the world is so tribal these days.

    1. Wow I love it when hets love to pretend they’re oppressed.

      Some angry gay being tired of your nonsense does not affect your life and you’re still free to have hetero sex in public without anyone saying anything, while gay people can get screamed at just for holding hands.

      Also, this post was satire. Heteros sure get triggered easily.

  2. Bruh u gotta hate ur mom and dad too then; sry the world ha no place fr a degenerate like u(we hv enough already).

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