Inside The Underground World Of BDSM In Singapore

The only sound I could hear was the muffled breathing of my own.

My hands were tightly bound behind my back. My legs too, were bound in a similar fashion to the chair I was sitting in. My head was strapped and locked in a leather hood, with only two holes for breathing purposes. And in the midst of it all, I felt hands alternating between pinching and flicking my ultra sensitive nipples. 

If other people were in my shoes, they would be scared out of their wits. But not me, I remained rock hard the entire time.

Dear Straight People,

Welcome to the world of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism)!

Throw away whatever perceived notions you have about BDSM from watching the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. Here is how the world of BDSM is actually like!

Tied Up BDSM
Source

My Foray Into The World Of BDSM

My journey into the world of BDSM started when I was a freshman in my polytechnic. Long story short, it was a senior in my CCA who first introduced me to BDSM. Initially, all we did was vanilla sex.

Everything took a turn when we made a bet regarding a friendly match with another polytechnic. I bet that we would win by a large margin. If I lost, he had permission to do anything he wanted to me. Much to my surprise, the match had ended in a draw!

‘Meet me in the locker room’, he messaged me after the match. We had made out countless times in our team’s locker room. With my heart beating quickly, I made my way to the locker room, where he was waiting with a devilish grin on his face.

We started making out as usual; he was eagerly ripping my clothes off, leaving me in my underwear when suddenly, he told me to turn around and to close my eyes. Not knowing what was going on, I complied. I heard the sound of tape being ripped, as my hands were pulled behind my back and taped together. Horrified, and just that slightest turned on, I turned around wanting to know what was going on. Just as I was about to open my mouth, he slapped a piece of tape on my mouth.

‘You did say I can do anything to you, right? Looks like you’re enjoying it though.’ he had said, as he cupped my erection, before attacking my nipples. I could only moan away helplessly, unable to do anything. The feeling of helplessness, of being totally reliant on my senior back then was turning me on, engulfing me in waves of pleasure and horniness.

And that, in short, was how I first entered the world of BDSM. I am what the circle terms a ‘submissive’, or sub, for short – the one that gets tied up, restrained, shackled or even immobilised for periods of time. The other party would be termed a ‘dominant’, or dom for short.

Man handcuffed

How BDSM Actually Works

The bedrock for playing, and surviving, in the BDSM circle in Singapore, is ‘trust’. No dominant – submissive pairing would ever abuse the trust that each party has for one another in the way that you see in the 50 Shades Of Grey movies.

Contrary to popular belief, boundaries exist in the world of BDSM. They are what we refer to as limits – agreed upon boundaries in which both parties have set prior to a session. This could range from obvious ones like no permanent marks, no scarring and no scat to specific ones like no waxing etc.

Once these limits are set, it is the dominant’s job to respect them, and at the same time, try to push the sub’s softer limits to see how far the sub can go. For example, I wasn’t into nipple clamps when I first started out as a sub; my dom would set it upon me as punishment for not obeying orders. Now, it still hurts but at least it has become a manageable pain.

Tied up shadow

Apart from safety reasons, limits are also important as they help both parties make the most out of their session.

I have heard of instances where all the sub wanted was to get tied up, edged and cum controlled, with no wishes of being active nor engaging the dominant. To me, this is unfair – the dominant spends an hour or so on the sub: preparing all kinds of simulations and preparing the sub in all kinds of positions, drives the sub deep into subspace, keeps him horny for a long time before milking him or depriving him of a full orgasm. And all he gets, at the end of it all, is a simple ‘thanks’? This is a case of a one-sided session: the limits weren’t set properly.

The converse is also true. I’ve been with dominants where the only thing they wanted was sex which was a major turn-off. I’ve also seen how not engaging the dominant enough will lead them to get too carried away causing them to do things that you may not want to do.

Body obsession DP

The BDSM Scene In Singapore

Everything in today’s society is digitalised and online. For the BDSM scene, it is no different. The local BDSM community are connected via the Recon website. There, members can upload and customize their profiles. This website was where I made my ‘debut’ in the BDSM circle.

For the SM community here in Singapore, the vast majority of them are locals, who obviously have their day jobs – and the ages of which they are in can vary quite largely too. They come from all walks of life, ranging from NSFs to professionals in their 20s and 30s. They are in all respects, ‘normal’ people. And for the vast majority of them, you would never suspect them of possessing such kinks.

The local SM scene has died down somewhat as compared to the past, partly because a damning post on the Hardwarezone forums pretty much exposed the key players in the SM scene thereby attracting unwanted public attention. In the past, there were bi-monthly themed parties. Now, there is just one themed party held every quarter of the year. These themed parties can include anything from uniform night to sportswear bondage (where you get to wear tight compression tights or sexy swimming trunks).

Army hunk

So yeah, there you have it, the underground world of BDSM in Singapore in a nutshell.

I’m still learning the ropes, literally and figuratively, about the scene here, but really, we aren’t as scary as how popular media likes to portray us. We are pretty much just regular folks, who just happen to have not so regular tastes.

Most of us in the SM community are very friendly and don’t bite. Much.

Contributed by Jake

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You might also like to read:

Out Of The Closet: Sean & Edmund Share Their Story

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Confession: I’m Hooked Onto Chemsex And I Don’t Know How To Stop

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